The Top 17 Indications Your Family May be Dysfunctional 17> New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family. 16> Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA. 15> Your mother and your preteen sister always fighting over the last beer. 14> In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch. 13> Bikers next door always complaining about the noise. 12> Local police save money by making your house a precinct substation. 11> Brother is writing nostalgic screenplay, "A Menendez Family Christmas." 10> Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer. 9> Holidays usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking a toaster around the house. 8> Your son informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore. 7> You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities. 6> Family discussions usually begin with, "Put the gun down." 5> You *finally* get your work published in a major newspaper and your rat-bastard brother sics the Feds on you. 4> Instead of saying grace before dinner, father reads a passage from Penthouse Forum. 3> Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey. 2> Didn't make today's Top Five List? Dad holds ya, Mom beats ya. and the Number 1 Indication Your Family May be Dysfunctional... 1> No more sunny breakfast nook now that kitchen is a methamphetamine lab.