The Top 16 Signs Your Company Is Planning A Layoff

16> CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."

15> Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top
    Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.

14> Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."

13> Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start
    Looking for Work."

12> Company softball team downsized to chess team.

11> Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.

10> Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."

 9> Company president now driving a Hyundai.

 8> Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room
    to abandoned Fotomat booth.

 7> Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.

 6> Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever
    you pass by.

 5> Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

 4> Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky
    personnel manager.

 3> Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.

 2> Company dental plan now consists of pliers and string.

    and the Number 1 Sign Your Company Is Planning A Layoff...

 1> President begins weekly meetings, "Good morning, you
    ignorant bastards."