The New Jersey Multiphasic Personality Inventory Instructions: If the statement is TRUE or MOSTLY TRUE or just plain ATTRACTIVE, blacken the red fish with the "T" inside it. If the statement is FALSE or you are LYING about the answer, blacken the red fish with the "F" inside it. Answer all the questions with YOUR OPINION, if it is some- thing you are not familiar with or doesn't apply to you, leave it blank. But try to give a response to every ques- tion, otherwise we will have to make up answers for you. I like coughing. When waiting for an appointment, I read magazines I wouldn't otherwise buy. At times I feel like sweating. Once in a while I think about things that aren't real. I would like to be a nurse, or just dress like one. When I take a new job, I seldom know anyone there. People should try to understand their dreams while they are still dreaming. Much of what is happening to me now seems to have happened to me before. Evil spirits possess me at times, other times they just drop by for a visit. I would like to be a singer if I didn't have to stand up all the time. I have never been in serious trouble because of my sex behavior, unless laughing counts. The alien probe in my head seldom bothers me. I have never vomited or coughed up that much blood. I do not always tell the truth, except now. If people had not had it in for me, I would not have been indicted. I prefer to pass by school friends or people I know but have not seen for a long time unless they owe me money. I am almost never bothered my pains in my chest or over my heart. I have often had to take orders from someone who did not know if they wanted fries or not. Parts of my body often have feelings like burning, tingling, crawling or like "going to market." My family does not like the work I have chosen for them. I wish I could be as happy as "Marion" on HAPPY DAYS. I hardly ever feel the pain in the back of my neck. "Travis Bickle" was a good, safe driver. Once in a while I put off until the next day what I need to do tomorrow. I sometimes tease dead animals. I have often wished that I was a girl. (Or if you are a girl) I have often wished I was a tough, strong girl with short hair and a tattoo. I like poetry, but only the kind that rhymes. My soles sometimes leave my body. I think I would like to be a forest ranger. I would like to be a florist if I could get affordable health insurance. It takes a lot of argument to convince most people who know me. Most of the time I feel blueberries. I enjoy reading Lovejoy stories. I think most people would lie to get a prone position. These days I have little or no trouble with my muscles twitching or jumping. I sometimes hear voices when I talk on the telephone. I seem to be about as capable and smart as those around me right now. I wore suspenders one or more times while in school. I get serene sometimes for no apparent reason. There seems to be a fullness in my stomach sometimes. I see things or hymnals or people around me that others do not see. I am afraid when I look down from a seated position. At times my thoughts race ahead faster than the speed limit. If could go to a movie without paying and be sure no one would see me, it better be a good one. I certainly feel useful at times. It wouldn't make me nervous if members of my family got in trouble with the law if I had a good alibi. I cannot understand what I read as weel has E ust tu. I have had long periods in which I carried on activities without knowing later what I had been doing, like now. I frequently notice that my hand shakes when I am introduced to someone. I have had no difficultly with chewing gum and keeping my balance while walking. I think I am a fag. (Or if you are a girl) I think I'm a dyke. In walking I am very careful to step over beggars, especial- ly if they are across a sidewalk crack. I am afraid of flossing my wallet. Sometimes, when embarrassed, I break out in song, which greatly annoys others. At times I have been so entertained by the cleverness of some criminals that I have hoped they would just get on with it. When together as a family, my parents often objected to the kind of people I went around with. I hardly ever notice my heart beating. I get Mad easily. But finding Cracked is difficult some- times. I believe I am a condomed person. Sometimes in elections I vote for people I do not know. I never worry about my books. I wish I were not bothered by thoughts about sex education. I do not often notice the ringing or buzzing in my ears. Life is a stain for me much of the time. Most people outwardly dislike putting themselves inward during awkward situations. The only interesting thing about newspapers in recycling them. At times I hear so well that I forget right away what people say to me. I can easily make other people afraid of me. I enjoy hurting persons I love. I get excited when I use a knife or anything very sharp. I love to go to dances. I am embarrassed by dirty stories that turn out not to be particularly funny. I have no dread of going into a room by myself where other people have relieved themselves so long as the light still works. I enjoy children, but always with a witness. It makes me feel like a failure when I hear the lottery numbers. I like to let people know when I stand on something. I am apt to pass up something when my stomach hurts. I like parties and talk shows. I have often wished that I were a member of the opposite sect. I liked playing "garage" as a child. I very seldom have bouts of singing the blues. Lighting is one of my fears. I often sleep over a mattress before I decide what to do. There is nothing wrong with wearing frilly knickers. I was fond of excrement when I was young. I have never seen a vision in color. When a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about things related to her sex such as heels and gloves. I am not afraid of cartoon mice. I like adventure stories better than romantic stories if they feature men in leather. It bothers me greatly that makeup changes my life. My life is empty and meaningless. Much of what is happening to me now seems to have happened to me before. Lately I have lost my desire to work out my problems. Ernest Hemingway was a good marksman. When problems need to be solved, I reach for a calculator. In everything I do lately I feel that I am being tested. I would rather stand in line than on line. It is hard for me to accept condiments. People tell me I have a problem with alcohol but I am usual- ly too drunk to argue with them. My sex life is perfunctory.